For today's post I thought I'd borrow the format used by the good folks over at the People who deserve a beatdown blog. I think that is pretty self-explanatory.
Anyway my missus dragged me to the movies the other day, bless her heart. So I have taken the opportunity to make a few observations:
* If you trundle your late ass into the cinema after the movie has started, even after the 20 minutes of ads and promos, and then stand there like a goofy idiot blocking half the screen while you look for a seat, even though the cinema's half empty, you deserve to sit right at the front row.
* If you bring your D-average child to the movies to see something like the "Golden Compass", thinking it's a kid's movie, but actually has a plot more complex than the yawnable Harry Potter series, and every 5 seconds your brat is bleating "What happened?", you deserve to be bitch slapped all the way down the isle.
* If you come to the movies only to sit checking your SMS messages every 2 minutes, with your cell phone's all-white display illuminating the cinema, you deserve to be launched from the projectionist's window.
* If you're so appallingly obese you can barely wedge yourself into the generous cinema seats, and then sit shoveling vittles into your pie hole unceasingly for 2 hours, drowning out the THX sound system with your disgusting chewing-the-cud noises, you should be forced to wear a burlap mu-mu and learn some self-discipline.
* Go to the bathroom *BEFORE* the movie. Other moviegoers do not want to stare at your stupid, incontinent silhouette 2 times during the screening. If you have a bladder the size of a walnut, try geriatric diapers (or staying at home).
* And finally... The person who thought of selling movie snacks wrapped in noisy, crinkly cellophane packaging deserves to be shrink-wrapped in cellophane and catapulted into the sun.
I think that about covers every species of moron that infests the movie cinema.
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