The Australian Family Association are Arseholes

It's coming up for election in the sunny state of Queensland. And amid the mud-slinging and back-stabbing that accompanies any political event, there is one episode that stands out for its sheer impertinence.

The electorate of Ashgrove is set to be hotly contested. On one side is Campbell "Bjelke" Newman, former chief fucker-uper-er Lord Mayor of Brisbane. On the other is the currently elected seat-holder, Kate Jones. Now this is no political grandstand but I will say that as pollies go, Jones is pretty impressive. She gets out there and actually does things to help the community, rather than kissing cigars and handing out babies and generally engaging in shameless media-grabbing.

Seriously, is there any comparison?

She is the centre of the "Keep Kate" campaign, and if the polls are anything to go by, most voters in the Ashgrove electorate would prefer an honest, decent local to represent them; the same voters who have long and unforgiving memories of a certain mayoral term.

"I call my right hand Mr Bitchslap, Campbell, and it wants to say hello."

Part of Jones' success undoubtedly stems from her clean-cut down-to-earth image, especially in an electorate dominated by working middle-class families. I mean, she has a face you'd be proud to take home to meet Mum. (Well not just her face, obviously, but all of her.) That's probably why the various political propaganda factories have been conspicuously quiet on slinging mud in Jones' direction: Because they can't find any.

But that hasn't stopped one obscure but vocal group from shamelessly digging deep in the mud pit.

Enter the ambiguously named Australian Family Association. If you live in the Ashgrove region you probably got a small flyer in your letterbox. On the front is a picture of a rather depressed little girl (it's always a girl) along with the caption: "Kate Jones MP supported radical law that violates kids' rights to a mum and dad". [Emphasis theirs.]

"Now little girl, I want you to picture Santa is dead. That's it..."

Your immediate reaction would be, "What... Who... She did what?!"

Flipping the flyer over so quickly you give yourself a major paper cut, you look for an explanation. And over the pic of a generic 2.4-child family is some propagandist bullshit which amounts to the following: Kate Jones supports gay marriage and civil unions, and she supports child surrogacy.

Let me repeat that: Kate Jones supports gay marriage and child surrogacy. This is the terrible revelation these people are kindly sharing with the unwashed voters, so they do not vote Jones back in, the monstrous child-hater.

To put it another way, here is the most damaging clod of mud anyone could find to fling at Kate Jones: She is not a homophobe and a bigot.

Good for Kate. But let's focus on the Australian Family Association and their wanton attack on a good MP, and skip over to their website, 'coz I could use a good laugh. The basis of the anti-Jones flyer is an article which trawls out all the tired arguments on why "gay marriage is bad, m'kay". They boil down to two things: Firstly same-sex couples are a violation of the natural imperative for a man and woman to procreate; and secondly every child deserves to be conceived and raised with a mum and dad, otherwise they will grow up really confused.

I'm not going into a long refutation of those arguments because many people a lot smarter than I have done so in abundance. Suffice it to say, what an utter load of crap. On their first point, if same-sex couples run against the natural order, then why are they opposed to marriage, which is a man-made construct?

On the second point, they claim every child has an inalienable right to know their biological history, because otherwise that child will psychologically damaged. Ergo a child born in a same-sex family who has come via IVF or surrogacy will be messed up. Uh-huh. And what about IVF or surrogacy with straight parents? Wouldn't that child's biological history be similarly ambiguous? OTOH with the rates and divorce re-marriage, all these "normally conceived" kids could have umpteen step-parents and god-knows how many step brothers and sisters. How is that not screwed up?

When all is said and done, it seems the AFA are opposed to same-sex relationships in all its forms. Their excuse that it is a violation of the natural imperative does not hold up to scrutiny; rather it appears to be a violation of AFA's version of morality.

Pictured: Natural imperative

Similarly the arguments for a child's emotional well-being are equally applicable to hetero marriages; indeed, AFA's language is couched in terms which hints at opposing "unnatural conception" in all its forms. Furthermore the AFA website promotes pro-life and anti-abortion, and opposes euthanasia, but I ain't touching those with a 10-foot pole.

Hang on a sec: Opposing gay marriage? Surrogacy? IVF? Abortion? Euthanasia? A lot of this smacks of religious nutbaggery... and Lo and behold, the AFA are indeed a religious organisation. Although they are very careful to keep it hush-hush on their website, with even a cursory Google search their Christian Right affiliation is plain to see. In fact much of their political effort is gunning towards voting the pro-lifers and anti-gayers in, and voting the heathens out. Just as we saw with the Kate Jones flyer.

No one is surprised when a group who trots out the tired "Oh God will no one think of the children" argument turns out to be a bunch of sanctimonious Bible-thumpers. But it still hacks me off: as Christians they see themselves as sole keepers of morality and goodness, while those of us who don't subscribe to their Stone Age belief system are sodomistic pagans who kill babies and suck the stem cells out of fetuses.

Nor am I some kind of champion for Gay Rights; I just hate bigotry in all its forms. And after reading the Jones flyer and some of AFA's other churlish publications, it's clear they are nothing but big fat bigots. Let's face it, they can't say "we hate fags" openly, so attacking gay marriage and parenthood is the only ammunition left in their intolerant arsenal.

So here's a big EFF YOU to the Australian Family Association... for being homophobic asshats, for dragging innocent children into their hateful arguments, and for maligning one of the few good, honest political representatives with one of the most piss-weak objections I've ever seen.

Even Granny says so.

I don't know about the other candidates but I know exactly where I'd number Kate on election day -- FIRST.


ps. I'm forced to admit that the AFA is opposed to the Carbon Tax, just to show they aren't complete dicks. I guess the Universal Law of Nutjob Oganisations is a zero-sum game.