Redneck-1, Lawnmower-0

"Only in America"... it's become a cliché. But it's a cliché that keeps on giving. And giving and giving.

Who remembers that old Simpsons episode, the one where Homer buys a handgun? He joins the NRA, then proceeds to use his gun for everything -- opening beer cans, turning off the TV, extinguishing lights.

Well today's gem comes straight from Matt Groening's playbook. In the small quiet town of Milwaukee, Wisconsin (home of Lenny & Squiggy, for those who remember actual scripted television), a man, let's call him Bubba, was frustrated with his lawnmower continually breaking down. So he shot it.

That's right. Bubba went into his house, fetched his shotgun, came out, and with one blast sent his hapless mower to gardening-tool heaven.

Ok everyone have a good laugh.

What grade-A moron. The guy was a booze-head for one, according to the news article, and for some reason that doesn't surprise me. Anger management issues were probably also thrown in to the mix.

As the cops were leading him away his attitude was, "Hey it's my goddam lawnmower and my goddam yard!" as one would expect. Not one skerrick of remorse or reflection that, I dunno, a ricochet pellet or piece of blown-away lawnmower could have struck a child playing metres away in a neighbouring yard. But then that doesn't surprise me, either.

Anyway the guy could get six years in the pokey -- but not for grossly unsafe handling of a firearm. No, because it was a sawn-off shotgun. Oh yes, I forgot to mention it was a "liquor-store special." If it wasn't a sawn-off he'd probably get nothing more than a wrist-slap for "disorderly conduct".

Jesus Christ.

Now, I don't think our Yankee cousins are any more or less susceptible to blind rage than the rest of us. Indeed, I myself have wrecked my fair share of dodgy computer equipment in a maddened frenzy of frustration. When you have fixed something and fixed it and fixed it, and it still breaks down, sometimes it is better to destroy the thing utterly lest you waste another moment on the hopeless cause.

However, those of us in other less manly countries might use hammers, tyre irons, sporting equipment, even our bare hands to send the offending item to its grave. But such mundane means are far beneath the Yanks. Nope, nothing less than 2oz of buckshot will do the trick.

Look, I'm not some skinny-wristed tofu-eating nancy boy. I firmly believe it's every man's inalienable right to protect himself and his own, with whatever tools are at his disposal. That includes shootin' irons. Don't even get me started on the sit-down-to-pee restrictions we have on firearm ownership in my country.

But it's just like my old granpappy used to say: "When all you carry is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a stuck-out nail."

What sh*ts me the most, is it's psychotic knobs like Bubba that wreck it for the rest of us: Their cretinous acts only give ammunition (harhar) to the blubbering bleeding-heart gun control pencil-necks who take guns away from law abiding citizens and place them firmly into the hands of those who obtain them illegally, i.e. criminals. Oh and psychos.

Thanks a f*cking bunch Bubba, you thoughtless pisshead.